8:20pm on the NE Field

Good morning Americans! USA USA USA, USA USA USA, USA USA USA, USA USA USA!!!

USfuckinA, amIright? Anyway, to kick things off today - our masterful coach Haas has brought to my attention that the full schedule is posted on the Players Sports Group website. Ya, I just hyperlink'd that to make your Thursday even better. ka-BOOM, computer skillz. So mark your desk-top calenders in your office so you never forget when the best hour of your week is.

Moving on. Keep an ear to the ... grindstone(?) today as the weather is pretty lame. Call the weatherline (312.409.1009) around 4:45pm just to confirm if we are on. Or don't and just show up to Cody's ready to rock. Say... 7:17pm this evening? coolbeans.

Tonight we are scheduled to play the team of which I am acquainted to... with... whatever; I know these people. I want to wipe the floor with them, that field is full of dirt, so let's use their asses as dustbins. They are team 'The Runs'. They wear big white shirts that say 'Fizz' on them, because they are sponsored by a bar that is not Cody's. And that is fucking LAME. When not wearing their softball jerseys, their primary method of entertainment is beating bald eagle chicks with sticks and throwing meerkats into wood chippers. They prefer to drink Bartles & Jaymes, but found Smirnoff Ice more socially acceptable. They vote Tea Party. They had a 'listening party' for the CD release of the newest edition of Lindsay Lohan's audio book. They once saw a pregnant lady being mugged and created a human fence to stop the cop cars from getting to the scene.

Seriously, let's beat the crap out of these chumps.