10/10/13

8:35 - Hamlin NE Field

Short staffed and full of anxiety?  Limited team members make you nervous?  Do you find yourself asking, 'How can I expect to succeed when most of my support structure isn't present?'

Then guess what butthorn - you're not a Masterbatter.

Like a salamander, we can miss some appendages here and there and roll hard like a boss.  Oh, you're a scaredy-cat and don't like reptile-lookin' amphibians?  Fine.  We're a fucking planarian then, puta.  What's that?  You are a dum-dum that doesn't like science because US Weekly doesn't tell you about it?  You prefer to know how Lucy Liu looked on the last episode of her ridiculous show with Acid Burn where they loosely portray some of the most important literary characters in history using topical personal jabs and relying on JLM's natural english accent as a narrative device?  WHY DON'T YOU STICK A FORK IN AN OUTLET?!  Fine.  To get through to you, numbskull, how's this for a reference you can process in your lima bean sized brain - we're goddamned zombies.  Unrelenting, unstoppable, unbelievable.  And we're 'World War Z / 28 Days Later' type shit, fool.  We kick up dust when we run, and if you take time to look back - it will be the last thing you do.  A hydra.  A time-eternal, multi-headed terror-being capable of taking off your head and your legs at the same time and leaving you as nothing but your belly and your bitch-tits.  Do you even know what happens when a hydra is missing a head?  You should, because 'Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief' is the highest form of art you've seen since you stayed at your uncle's house 15 years ago and he showed you the home-made paintings of his cats he hung throughout his house.  A hydra becomes MORE powerful and MORE dangerous.  You think we're backed into a corner, all we're doing is luring you in, nice and close, before the thunder reigns down upon the soft-spot of your precious skull.

Here's the point: *mimes throat slashing*  You. Are. Finished. *Mimes digging a grave* *mimes rolling a body into the grave* *mimes standing next to the grave and taking a piss* *mimes refilling the grave* *gives the finger to the packed ground*

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