PLAYOFFS!

Hey hey all you all.  This is a shout-out to my Co-Ed peoples.

Hi.  This is your coach, defensive mastermind, spiritual guru, pig latin tutor and incoherent diatribe-writer here.  Let's get to down to brass tacks - the playoffs are HERE.  Like, today here.  A pint glass of hours away, a duffle bag of minutes from now. 

There's some things that you should be aware of.  Things that sound like negatives, but that we will use as pivot points to superpower our spaceship of softball success. 
a) We got Brands Park tonight.  We must start our playoff run at the 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' of Chicago softball diamonds.  gotdam those people are abhorrent.
b) We got a 6:55pm start time.  We are notorious for early-game playing lameness.  Sure, it's a lameass time to start a softball game - it provides little time to settle into the team dynamic, smoke if you got 'em, or have a beer or 3 before the game.
c) Life, man.

Guess what, you hosers?  The last time we played at Brands, we went dry.  No hooch at all!  And we kicked asses all over the place.  If kicking asses was a felony, you'd be reading this on a 1997 Gateway in a concrete library at 3000 South California sitting next to a perv that's logged onto some prisoner fetish website tryna score some weirdo for a conjugal tryst.  Truth. 

As for the start time: last I checked, we are not robots.  Checked this morning, still a human dude.  Which means.... we don't have a gotdam on/off switch.  This Masterbatting shit is 24/7 suuhhhnnnnn!  So when you get to the field, be ready to rock and/or roll!

So batton up the hatchet, steal your mind, warm your nerves and draw your gameface on.  This is our league, our time, our field, and our bat to master.  LOCK IT UP!

Gentlemen of the Men's League.  May I propose that we recommence our exactitudes at our chosen recreation?  Dither not!  Nigh we shall usurp this evenings opponents without remorse, without a thought, hardly without a sweat indeed.  Forsooth, those that present obstacles to our quest shall face a threat far more imposing than Frankenbat.  Defensive superiority on the field of softball shall be our calling card once again.  Let us roll through this team as the great Asa Whitney deemed we should traverse this great nation!  Tally no more gents - HUZZAH!